There are often times when I think about the things I've done in life and wonder, "What would my life be like if ..... had happened?" or "I wish I would have done ......" On one hand, there are things I wish I had done differently, however at the same time I think how would those changes have changed my life and the person I am and the events occurring now. It boggles my brain.
I'm finding more and more with each day that I actually feel somewhat resentful of the program I am with. Mind you - the program I am with is amazing! My advisors and directors are great and so helpful! It's just not what I was expecting and looking for.
When I decided to go abroad I thought maybe I'd go for a month...then it was a semester...then it was a year. Most people can't believe that I'm going to be spending a year here, but for me that was the only option. I read somewhere that to learn a language fluently, you had to live the language 24/7 for at least 6 months. (right now, I feel like I'll never be fluent) When I was looking for programs, I looked at all of the high school programs first (even though it's my sophomore/junior year of college). I'm not sure why, I just knew that I wanted to be an exchange student. So, as time went on and I realized that I was much too old to be in an actual exchange program, I went with the study abroad program offered through my college. Now for most people that's no problem, but for me it was settling for second best.
I wanted the real immersion experience - the being thrown into a world where no one speaks your language (unless you call home of course). I wanted to be surrounded by Spanish customs and culture. I wanted to make friends with people from here. And it's so hard to do that with a college study abroad program. I am constantly surrounded by 60 other American students - that's 60 people who speak English constantly and do things the way they are done in the US. And as much as I want to separate myself from them and hang out with local people, it is beyond difficult to do that.
I've been talking to my advisors about how I'm feeling and as it turns out, of course, I am not the average study abroad student. (Who would have guessed that I didn't wanna come here to get faced every night and run rampid around the city because I'm away from home with no rules) So they gave me a book, "How to make the most of your study abroad experience". It's got some tips on learning culture and the language as well as other random things that could be important.
I met my intercambio today. She's 21 and I really like her. She doesn't drink, so I feel comfortable going out with her at night, and she said she would introduce me to some of her friends. I'm hoping that we can hang out a lot more and that I will be able to spend more time around Spaniards than Americans...sorry guys lol
And on the other side of things - I have a shoe obsession. It's so great to be able to go shopping and actually find my size in a store - in every store. I've bought 4 pairs of shoes this week as well as a watch. At least I'll finally know what time it is haha.
And with that little rant, it's time for bed. I'm still constantly tired and worn out. Language learning is hard stuff I tell you.
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