And So Begins The Questioning

I'm at this point where I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing being here. On one hand, I wouldn't be graduating if I hadn't done this, yet at the same time this could be the thing that keeps me from graduating.

I'm trying to not think about that second possibility because honestly it would crush me. But, realistically it is a possibility.

The hard part about being over here is there is no real support system. There are no tutors to ask if you need help. There are no extra office hours when you can talk to your professors. The onsite staff can't half with your school work. You get into this place where you are just stuck.

I've been working my ass off since this semester started, and even though I've been spending almost every waking hour doing something for school, I don't feel like I'm getting anything back.

Don't get me wrong, I've learned so much by being here that I never would have in the US, but I don't know if that "life knowledge" is worth worrying about my GPA and my relationships over.

I thought at home school was a big part of my life, but honestly what seems so easy here is so much harder. There aren't concrete answers and facts to memorize or systems to connect. I'm constantly in a world of ambiguity where things have more than one answer and each person could have their own interpretation, completely changing everything you think you know.

And then in the end it all comes down to the professor's opinion.

All in all, I go back to my original opinion. If I had the chance I would have done this in high school. Where the grades and your future career aren't on the line and you really do have the opportunity to be completely immersed in the culture and real life, versus this makeshift "college" atmosphere that in reality is like being in middle school all over again.

I go to class for 6 hours straight because my professors can't keep on time and then don't let you have a break to use the bathroom or eat a snack. If you're late, your grade drops. Yet, every single day the professors run over.

I hate being powerless and having the fate of my career be in the hands of the people here. I want to question and complain and try to make the situation better, but at the same time the person who I have to get involved with is the one controlling my grade for the next 4 months.

There's just no good way. At this point the only option I see is devoting absolutely every single minute I have to this and whatever the consequences are I have to try.