In just a few hours I'll be headed to Germany for my final trip of the year. I'll be staying with some family friends from Middle Bass that live there, so I'm really looking forward to some MBI talk and good American cooking =)
It's getting so weird to think that this adventure is coming to an end. I'm both sad and excited. I'm almost afraid I'm going to start regretting, but I can't do that. This whole experience has been amazing and I'm so happy to have met the people I have. Leaving my host family will be the worst. I know we're all going to cry and it's going to be horribly sad, but at the same time I miss my family and Keith so much and I'm ready to get back to my "real" life. I've only got once more day at my little kids school, and I'm going to miss those kids a ton too.
I wish I could capture all of the memories I have on film, so that I'll never forget how amazing those memories are. Unfortunately, I can't get them all, and some of the most precious ones I'll have to cherish in my head. Singing and playing "Pasa-Mi-Si" and "La Corrida de la Patata" with my little kids and being silly with my host brothers.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Long TIme, No Blog
I can't believe how crazy fast April has flown by! It's insane, I thought it was going to drag on and on, but really I think it's finally really hit me that my time here is almost over. I'm defiantly ready to go home but I know I'm going to miss Spain in some aspects.
First, my amazing host family - they truly are amazing and I don't know how I would have survived this year without them. My host mom is so nice and it's been great to get to a point in our relationship where we can talk more like friends rather than as people just living together. My host brothers, while some days they drive me nuts, they always make me laugh and we bond over the strangest things. I never got to be the older sister, so I truly love nagging and picking on them in a fun and playful way. And my host dad, he's defiantly opened my eyes to some new and interesting concepts, as well as taught me the majority of what I know about Spain, politics of Europe, and cultural differences among all nations.
Second, my little kids school - I'm so glad I did my internship. I've learned so much, not only relating to the language, but about myself as well. I know that even though I love kids to death, I will never be a teacher (maybe high school as a backup plan - since I have no idea what else I'd do with a spanish degree...) Those kids are the highlight of my days here and I love being able to just hang out and feel like I'm making an impact on their lives. Plus I've missed having little kids climb into my lap and listening to a story or asking me for hugs when they're sad. I've learned a lot about the culture like games and songs (that I've finally learned to correct words to)! I've been able to pick up some good teaching techniques and I've got a much better idea about how I'm going to go about teaching my own children Spanish one day. I've learned more about the kind of parent I want to be, or better said, the kind I don't want to be. And, I've had the opportunity to really make some Spanish "friends" - although they may be teacher, it's nice to sit and talk about any topic on the same level as any other person in the conversation. (And they're great for asking help with my homework...)
While I'm still not the biggest fan of Madrid, I can truly say this has been amazing and I will in fact be sad when it all comes to an end in 17 days. I still say this is something I want my kids to do and experience when they are old enough (sorry Mom) and I know that I will be back again. I've learned to adapt and survive in situations I never would have expected. And more than anything, Spanish has always been one of my passions. I've been able to fulfill a dream that I've had as long as I can remember. I can speak and understand a second language (maybe not the best all the time, but that's still way more than most people in the United States can say).
First, my amazing host family - they truly are amazing and I don't know how I would have survived this year without them. My host mom is so nice and it's been great to get to a point in our relationship where we can talk more like friends rather than as people just living together. My host brothers, while some days they drive me nuts, they always make me laugh and we bond over the strangest things. I never got to be the older sister, so I truly love nagging and picking on them in a fun and playful way. And my host dad, he's defiantly opened my eyes to some new and interesting concepts, as well as taught me the majority of what I know about Spain, politics of Europe, and cultural differences among all nations.
Second, my little kids school - I'm so glad I did my internship. I've learned so much, not only relating to the language, but about myself as well. I know that even though I love kids to death, I will never be a teacher (maybe high school as a backup plan - since I have no idea what else I'd do with a spanish degree...) Those kids are the highlight of my days here and I love being able to just hang out and feel like I'm making an impact on their lives. Plus I've missed having little kids climb into my lap and listening to a story or asking me for hugs when they're sad. I've learned a lot about the culture like games and songs (that I've finally learned to correct words to)! I've been able to pick up some good teaching techniques and I've got a much better idea about how I'm going to go about teaching my own children Spanish one day. I've learned more about the kind of parent I want to be, or better said, the kind I don't want to be. And, I've had the opportunity to really make some Spanish "friends" - although they may be teacher, it's nice to sit and talk about any topic on the same level as any other person in the conversation. (And they're great for asking help with my homework...)
While I'm still not the biggest fan of Madrid, I can truly say this has been amazing and I will in fact be sad when it all comes to an end in 17 days. I still say this is something I want my kids to do and experience when they are old enough (sorry Mom) and I know that I will be back again. I've learned to adapt and survive in situations I never would have expected. And more than anything, Spanish has always been one of my passions. I've been able to fulfill a dream that I've had as long as I can remember. I can speak and understand a second language (maybe not the best all the time, but that's still way more than most people in the United States can say).
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Need A Normal Schedule
You would think after 9 months of being here I would have adapted to the daily schedule that most Spaniards (well at least my host family) keep. Yeah - no.
While I'm still functioning and getting done what I need to get done I still feel like I never have enough time for anything. I spend literally almost all day, every day doing some type of homework or other school obligatory things and feel like I have zero time for me.
That includes the requirements - eating, sleeping, showering, doing my hair, you know the important stuff.
I'm the kinda person that can't sleep past 10am anyways (not that I've even gotten close since I've been here), but really, while I'm not the "morning person" that likes getting up at 5am, I'm more the "morning person" that is normally up by 8am.
Unfortunately that's still too late for school. Normally, I wouldn't complain, however when every day I don't get to bed until 12am or 1am it is a problem.
So now, after just getting back from spring break - where most nights I was in bed and asleep around 10pm (not even joking) - it's killing me.
I'm just counting the days. (39 to be exact)
I need my schedule back. My food. I need to go to a gym. I need to learn something that isn't grammar and reading all the time. I need my friends and family and boyfriend back.
While I'm still functioning and getting done what I need to get done I still feel like I never have enough time for anything. I spend literally almost all day, every day doing some type of homework or other school obligatory things and feel like I have zero time for me.
That includes the requirements - eating, sleeping, showering, doing my hair, you know the important stuff.
I'm the kinda person that can't sleep past 10am anyways (not that I've even gotten close since I've been here), but really, while I'm not the "morning person" that likes getting up at 5am, I'm more the "morning person" that is normally up by 8am.
Unfortunately that's still too late for school. Normally, I wouldn't complain, however when every day I don't get to bed until 12am or 1am it is a problem.
So now, after just getting back from spring break - where most nights I was in bed and asleep around 10pm (not even joking) - it's killing me.
I'm just counting the days. (39 to be exact)
I need my schedule back. My food. I need to go to a gym. I need to learn something that isn't grammar and reading all the time. I need my friends and family and boyfriend back.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Taking A Break To Get All Sentimental
For those of you that don't really know my past, feel free to ignore this post because I'm sure it will not make sense to you, but this is in regards to something that has been on my mind a lot these last few days and I feel the need to write about it.
The first few weeks of April always manage to sneak up on me and catch me off guard. They are weeks that I can still play over and over in my head year after year, the memories not fading. I can recall each day and the emotions in them: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I get caught in the "what ifs", the "would haves", and the "should haves". And as time goes on I'm finding myself more open to talking, more open to really feeling the feelings that I refused (or didn't know how) to show at the time. Each year I grow more, then fall into the "why didn't you know or do this then" thoughts.
I spent a good portion of last night laying awake in bed, listening to the complete silence in my house, unable to sleep, my mind filled with memories, both good and bad, and the same old questions that get me every year. I can really only remember crying once at the time, that moment very clear - lacing up his black suede leather boots for the last time - which, looking back, is quite the literary ending to that part of my life - the kind of ending that you don't realize at the time yet you reflect on forever. I've realized I have this tendency to play the "strong one" for the sake of others (or for myself), I'm really not sure. But last night was different, last night I cried. I cried for what was lost, for the unknown, for the "would haves" and "should haves", for everything I should have said and done, for everything I don't think I was old enough to know, for all the times I should have spoken my mind and shared my true feelings, for everything I was too stubborn to admit, for all the things I wish I could change, and for everything I wish had a different outcome (that conversation in Starbucks, for example).
Every year I learn more and become more of a person I'm happy being, but this year has taught me a lot. I'm learning to recognize the things in my life that still get to me, the parts of me that are still broken - most of which I guess I never really noticed before -, and have realized some things are more important than I originally thought.
So as I lay awake I wondered. How does something that you used to love so much suddenly fade completely from you life? How can something that once was so beautiful and full of passion become such a fight, something so difficult and painful? How do you explain the unexplainable? How do you answer the questions that you will never know the answers to (at least not in this lifetime)? How does someone that you know for such a short amount of time manage to make such an impact in your life? If things had been different, what would be now? Where would my life be? Would this next year be as important and as exciting as we had imagined? And how would all of that affected the current?
It's crazy to think how long ago all of this really was. How young we really were. How big our dreams were. How far we could look into the future.
I thought about the memories since then. The words I can remember spoken, the music that would randomly show up and the emotions it would evoke. The frustrations and the disappointments. The anger and the shame.
There have been things I've wanted to do for years, things I'm not so sure I ever really knew the "true" reasons for. But looking back now, there are reasons. Some things to make peace and hopefully bring back the happiness I used to know, and others just to say "screw you". (Yes, that person should know who she is.) But mainly, just for me. To believe that the love is still there, to look back on and feel content, and just to help heal the hurt of the past.
The first few weeks of April always manage to sneak up on me and catch me off guard. They are weeks that I can still play over and over in my head year after year, the memories not fading. I can recall each day and the emotions in them: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I get caught in the "what ifs", the "would haves", and the "should haves". And as time goes on I'm finding myself more open to talking, more open to really feeling the feelings that I refused (or didn't know how) to show at the time. Each year I grow more, then fall into the "why didn't you know or do this then" thoughts.
I spent a good portion of last night laying awake in bed, listening to the complete silence in my house, unable to sleep, my mind filled with memories, both good and bad, and the same old questions that get me every year. I can really only remember crying once at the time, that moment very clear - lacing up his black suede leather boots for the last time - which, looking back, is quite the literary ending to that part of my life - the kind of ending that you don't realize at the time yet you reflect on forever. I've realized I have this tendency to play the "strong one" for the sake of others (or for myself), I'm really not sure. But last night was different, last night I cried. I cried for what was lost, for the unknown, for the "would haves" and "should haves", for everything I should have said and done, for everything I don't think I was old enough to know, for all the times I should have spoken my mind and shared my true feelings, for everything I was too stubborn to admit, for all the things I wish I could change, and for everything I wish had a different outcome (that conversation in Starbucks, for example).
Every year I learn more and become more of a person I'm happy being, but this year has taught me a lot. I'm learning to recognize the things in my life that still get to me, the parts of me that are still broken - most of which I guess I never really noticed before -, and have realized some things are more important than I originally thought.
So as I lay awake I wondered. How does something that you used to love so much suddenly fade completely from you life? How can something that once was so beautiful and full of passion become such a fight, something so difficult and painful? How do you explain the unexplainable? How do you answer the questions that you will never know the answers to (at least not in this lifetime)? How does someone that you know for such a short amount of time manage to make such an impact in your life? If things had been different, what would be now? Where would my life be? Would this next year be as important and as exciting as we had imagined? And how would all of that affected the current?
It's crazy to think how long ago all of this really was. How young we really were. How big our dreams were. How far we could look into the future.
I thought about the memories since then. The words I can remember spoken, the music that would randomly show up and the emotions it would evoke. The frustrations and the disappointments. The anger and the shame.
There have been things I've wanted to do for years, things I'm not so sure I ever really knew the "true" reasons for. But looking back now, there are reasons. Some things to make peace and hopefully bring back the happiness I used to know, and others just to say "screw you". (Yes, that person should know who she is.) But mainly, just for me. To believe that the love is still there, to look back on and feel content, and just to help heal the hurt of the past.
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