Sad Face :(

This isn't related to my going abroad, but I had to put one of my cats to sleep today and I feel horrible about it. I feel like I wasn't able to protect him when he needed me and I wish I could have fixed him. But as much as I love him, he couldn't be fixed, as many times as I tried. He was never the cuddly kind of cat, very skittish and always on the move. This morning, he laid in bed with me for a good half hour, not moving, just laid there and cuddled. He's always been my shadow, he would follow me everywhere-in my room, to the bathroom, sit there while I showered, jump in the shower, follow me back to my bedroom. So today, he followed me into the bathroom when I went to brush my teeth and when I was done I just sat on the floor and held him and cried. I felt like I was betraying him when we had to put him in his cat carrier to go to the vet. And driving over, I held him and petted him as he meowed. We sat together and he fell asleep on my lap as the anesthesia kicked in. I told him I was sorry and that I loved him and he had to go play with his brother KiKi. We got home and wrapped him up and stuck pictures in his box so he can always look at us. I'm sorry Trev =( I love you!!