Insert Frustration Here

I leave on Sunday and I still have no idea where or who I will be living with. Frankly, it's pissing me off now. According to USAC, they can't give us any info on our housing assignments until closer to our departure because there may be last minute changes and whatnot - now, I can believe that there could have been some changes a few months ago when they were still looking for housing for everyone, but with only 5 days to go there better not be any changes. Seriously. Ugh - aren't these things kind of arranged by now? They should be. And me being me, I have a list of all the reasons why they can't tell me about my family.

1. No one wanted me - that's right it's just like in elementary school gym class when you had to choose teams and everyone else got chosen but you, same feeling. Rejected.
2. USAC forgot about me - yup, I'm gonna have to live like a hobo and beg for money and someone to take me in. Maybe I'll take up with the gypsies...
3. Maybe they don't want me to know about them - too many skeletons in the closet perhaps...

Ok, all joking-ness aside, I really am frustrated that I don't know a thing about them. Like what am I supposed to do, show up on their doorstep and yell, "Surprise! It's a girl!"? I really would have liked to have been able to email them and establish a relationship with these people before I have to move in and share a life with complete strangers.

USAC as a whole is really just making me angry. How I wish I could have done this in high school, I feel like they care about you so much more. I haven't gotten a single update from USAC in over a month. You would think as the time for you to leave gets closer they would have more contact with you, not less. It feels like they basically just took my money and said, "Ok, see ya. Have fun figuring it out on your own". 

Maybe I'm looking at this differently than most people that study abroad in college. I don't care to leave the country and go somewhere where the drinking age is 16 and go to the bars and party every night. I actually want to go and learn something. I want to be immersed in the culture and "normal" life - not the "I'm a crazy college student on my own in Europe and can do whatever the hell I want" life. (I mean hello, have you seen the movie "Taken"? Yeah, that didn't end well now did it.) 

Ugh, long store short - having a family that treats me as part of the family is important to me. It's important for me to have a good relationship with them, and right now I have nothing - no names, no ages, no address. Sigh...USAC fails epically on this factor.

Lesson of the day, go in high school, while you're still a minor and someone has to be responsible for you.

This Is The Moment!

For months now people have been asking me why I am going to Spain, why am I a Spanish major, why don't I just do the "normal" pre-med biology or chemistry track. And for months, I haven't really had a good answer for them. I'd say, "I thought I'd be different" or "I really just don't like biology". And yes, while both of these statements are true, they really aren't the good, solid answer that I wanted.

This trip started out as a way for me to get away from where I'm from and was a chance to do something I don't think I'll ever really have the opportunity to do again, but today something really hit me.

For everyone staying here in town, it was the first day of classes at UT. Now, me being me, I e-mailed my advisor a couple months ago and asked if I could sit in on one of her spanish classes for a few days, just to kind of refresh before I leave. So this morning as my Facebook newsfeed is blowing up with statuses about how no one wants to go back to school, I was excited. Here I am with 2 weeks left of summer vacation, and I'm voluntarily going to a class that I'm not even enrolled in. Why, you ask? Because I LOVE THIS LANGUAGE!

Learning Spanish has been something I've wanted for as long as I can remember, but it never really hit me until this morning that I have a huge passion for what I am doing. Now, by no means does that mean I'm changing my career path or what I want to do with my life. I still want to be what I've wanted to be since I was 3 years old - an emergency medicine physician. But, I love the path that my life has taken.

Being able to go to Spain is going to be incredible. While I am nervous and a bit scared to leave behind everything I know, I'm excited to just dive in to a new language and culture. There's so much to be said for being completely immersed in it rather than just sitting in a classroom reading out of a book (no offense to all of my spanish teachers over the years).

The group I'll be going with has a Facebook group - just so we can all talk and ask questions and get to know each other, you know the normal stuff. Any who, earlier today someone posted that they were stressing so much over not knowing where they are living yet. (YES! Oh my goodness USAC, I can't stand not knowing where I'm living, or who it's with. You need to tell us more than a few days before we leave!!!) And someone else commented that they really hope the students that chose to live with host families get to have USAC roomies...ok, first off - everyone is different and has different preferences about what they would like their host family to be like. Second - when we applied for housing we had some options that we could select about these preferences. While there's no guarantee that you will get them, they try. Now, me on the other hand...I applied to not live with fellow study abroad students and to have a family that didn't speak English. There's a reason I'm going to Spain, and you can bet that I am going to make the most of it and accomplish the goals I have.

Here's my goal - when I come back from Spain, I want to speak fluently.

For this to happen, honestly I'm planning on cutting most of English out of my life. (I mean with the exception of talking to my family and friends back here in the states) But really, once my plane lands, there will be no more English. Call me crazy, but I really think that's the best way - no english music, no english books or TV shows, solomente español.

And here's the best part, I love it! And I'm excited to do this. This is something I've dreamed of my whole life and I finally have the chance to make this dream a reality.

I've Got A Love Like Woah Woah Oh Oh...

So I have a confession...I'm kinda obsessed with shopping =)

Now, I'm going to Europe and clearly my normal wardrobe just will not do, so naturally I've been on a shopping rampage! AND...it's finals week. And when I get stressed, I get a little OCD. At the end of fall semester I probably had planned out an entire (non-existant) wedding. At the end of spring semester I planned my fraternity's formal. (Yes, I did say fraternity - it's co-ed and is APO. Why did I join you ask...I got lost. That's right, I got lost and ended up in a frat office and met my amazing boyfriend and joined a fraternity. Totally normal.) And now, as the end of summer semester rolls around, I am freaking out about Spain and SHOPPING!!!

In the last week I've gone a little crazy. I've got dresses and shoes and boots and jackets and blazers and skirts and shirts and yeah...

I can't wait until I'm done with school so I can start packing at looking at what I have and what I have yet to get. Ahh!

Oh and I need to get my hair done - it's a mess. I mean...without straightening it, it looks like there is a small fuzzy animal that has taken up residence on my head...I must remember to call for a hair appointment!

But yes, I must go back to studying =/ The history of Latin America and Organic Chemistry are calling...NOT.

 *large sigh*

Sad Face :(

This isn't related to my going abroad, but I had to put one of my cats to sleep today and I feel horrible about it. I feel like I wasn't able to protect him when he needed me and I wish I could have fixed him. But as much as I love him, he couldn't be fixed, as many times as I tried. He was never the cuddly kind of cat, very skittish and always on the move. This morning, he laid in bed with me for a good half hour, not moving, just laid there and cuddled. He's always been my shadow, he would follow me everywhere-in my room, to the bathroom, sit there while I showered, jump in the shower, follow me back to my bedroom. So today, he followed me into the bathroom when I went to brush my teeth and when I was done I just sat on the floor and held him and cried. I felt like I was betraying him when we had to put him in his cat carrier to go to the vet. And driving over, I held him and petted him as he meowed. We sat together and he fell asleep on my lap as the anesthesia kicked in. I told him I was sorry and that I loved him and he had to go play with his brother KiKi. We got home and wrapped him up and stuck pictures in his box so he can always look at us. I'm sorry Trev =( I love you!!

Yup, I'm Freaking Out...

For whatever reason this week it hit me that I'll be leaving soon. In one way I am so excited and I've been talking to some of the other people in the program over Facebook and am really wanting to just be in Spain. But, in a different way I am a complete mess and freaking out. I'm worried that my Spanish won't be good enough. I'm worried about all of the people I am leaving here. My parents, my boyfriend, my grandparents, my kitties, and my puppy. I am so afraid that something will happen while I am gone and that I won't get to spend the time I want with everyone. My dog is old (14 years) and as much as I want her to be around when I get back, I know there's a good possibility that she might not be. If there was a way to guarantee that when I get back all will be as I want it to be, my life would be so much easier and I would feel so much better about going. I'm also still in summer school for another 3 weeks and I'm feeling very crunched for time. I'm trying to focus on getting through my classes, but it is so easy to get distracted by the things I also have to do to get ready for Spain. It's hard to delegate my time and do all of the things I want and need to do =/

I Can't Sleep :(

Ok...so it''s 1am and I'm still awake making lists in my head of all the stuff I need to get done before I go. And my room is a mess, so naturally I will avoid cleaning it by writing a blog about not being able to sleep. Anyway, I'm down to 55 days - 24 of which I am still in school for. (summer school sucks by the way - I'm so very burnt out) I can't wait to have a life again. I've been going to school Monday-Friday and working on Saturdays and Sundays so I can save up some money for traveling, so I have had no time for myself.

But basically here's whats left to do...

• Packing - I've slowly begin shopping for this adventure, but I haven't actually had a chance to throw everything in my suitcase and see what exactly I have and what more I need.
• Doctor Appointments - I think I literally have a doctor's appointment every week until I leave: dentist, doctor, eye doctor, dermatologist...
• I need my visa! - still waiting for my visa and my passport to show back up in the mail...starting to stress that one.
• Find my host family - the way this works, I don't find out anything about my host family until a week before I leave...I want to know now!!
• Some special things for a special person - I've got what I believe is an amazing plan for my boyfriend while I am gone, and I really need to start working on it.
• See my friends and family - I've been so consumed with school that I feel like I haven't really gotten to spend any good amount of time with the people I want to :(
• Figure out how to work iMovie - I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with it, but I need to figure it out, quick!

I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting, but I really can't think any more... Hmmm.

Let the Countdown Begin!

Countdown to Spain...67 days. That seems like a lot still, but by the time I get done with summer school I'm only going to have 1 month left before I leave. Right now I've just been getting some things organized-I applied for my Visa about a month or two ago, so I'm hoping to see that in the mail soon. Basically I'm waiting. It sucks. I am excited to find out who my host family will be and get to know them, but I don't see that happening any time soon. I'm stressing over clothes and what to buy here and how to pack and what to buy there. And then there is the abundance of doctor appointments that have been made that I need to take care of before heading off. I'm torn- in one way I am scared to death to go, yet at the same time I'm excited and just want it to get here. (Or maybe I'm just ready to be out of summer school!!) Either way...yesterday I started making vlogs on my YouTube channel. (If you aren't subscribed to it you should check that out) Doop...Doop...Doop...back to studying organic I go...